Airlines are Stupid
Problems only white people have, in first world countries
I am both blessed and cursed with an analytical brain. Just like most engineers, I’m pretty introverted, but I still make my way through the airports from time to time. Actually, I am literally sitting in front of gate D17 in the Phoenix airport as I write this. For anyone that has read my previous posts, you probably know that I’m about to flame the airlines for doing some stupid shit, that only mildly inconveniences me. This poor Southwest Airlines lady working the gate…. if only she knew.
Alright lets get into it, the method in which the airlines use to board airplanes is fucking dumb, inefficient, and down right embarrassing, and its a shame we’ve let them get away with it for this long. Now to me this is blatantly obvious, but I suppose some of you may not have realized this because I tend to forget, not everyone has a brain like mine that won’t shut off. Or how my wife puts it “Not everyone is a fucking nerd like you”. Let me enlighten you, it would be loads faster if we boarded the airplane starting with the back of the plane, and worked up to the front, rather than starting at the front and working our way back like we currently do! Do I really need to explain this? Is anyone not convinced? Anyone that has traveled on an airplane in the last 30 years should know this! And the airlines…. the fucking airlines… don’t do themselves any favors by letting people pay money for a seat at the front of the aircraft, so people can board sooner in this fucked up system.
You already know who is paying for these seats up front. You already know, but let me spell it out for you. I, and many other twenty year olds, elect to go for the cheaper options when flying because we don’t have a lot of disposable income. You know who does have disposable income? Fucking old people! These fucking boomers take a millennia to 1. find their seat 2. lift up their bags into the overhead compartment, almost throwing their back out in the process and 3. squat down in the seat and get their damn feet out of the way! You’re holding up the line grandpa! Meanwhile there’s two-thirds of the airplane seats behind them completely empty and no one can get settled into those before Mr. Burns over here is seated.
To make it all worse, and the single most asinine design decision in all this, first class is in the front of the airplane. So as the peasants walk by like cattle being prodded along, the bourgeoisie sit comfortably in their cushy chairs with legroom, sipping on their gin & tonic. And as you walk to your seat in the back third of the airplane you can’t help but think “damn I wish I shelled out for first class”. And the airlines know this! Why would they put first class in the back? No! They WANT you to walk by first class and for you to see how shitty you have it in economy basic. So that next time you might think about coughing up the extra $200 to sit with the land owners. And it works! Hey I’m ripping on the airlines here because no one can defend multi billion dollar companies. But you know who I really should be blaming for this system? Its YOU bitch! Because if you do or did have the money YOU would pay the extra to sit in the front and hold up the boarding process.
But if there’s one thing us economy flyers have over the rich old people, but only one thing! It is that the back of the airplane is the safest place to be.
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