Expiration Dates
Arbitrary rules for living things
Who was the first person to think of an expiration date, and apply it to food? Its a pretty ridiculous concept if you think about it. This delicious cup of premium organic strawberry yogurt that I paid $1.85 for is perfectly fine today. But oh boy, when the clock strikes midnight, this cup of yogurt instantaneously turns into a cup of death. Just pure poison and disgust that only belongs at the bottom of the kitchen garbage can. At least, that’s how my wife sees it.
I hate throwing away food, so whenever I'm looking through the refrigerator for a snack I have to look for stuff that’s close to its day of reckoning before my lovely wife chucks it into the dumpster. And I mean, my wife has a pretty valid argument, the cup of yogurt costs less than two dollars, we can afford to buy a new one.
But! As some of you may know, my engineering brain can't let this arbitrary rule exist without some criticism! How the hell are these expiration dates calculated? Especially for something like yogurt, isn't it like already rotten? Yogurt is fermented milk right? You're telling me that there’s this specific point in time when this yogurt becomes..... too fermented? Nah man that shit gets better with time!
Yes, I'm kidding. And I know, I get it. If you leave yogurt in the back of your fridge for too long you can create a Petri dish that has the potential to kick off the next pandemic. I've seen it happen. My issue is with the arbitrary date that is slapped on all food packaging that declares something "expired" after a single point in time.
Your yogurt is technically a "living" thing. There are tons of bacteria living it up in your pumpkin flavored noosa. So wouldn't it be funny if we started attaching expiration dates to other living things? Like, what if humans had visible expiration dates printed on our foreheads? And I don't mean like the day you're going to die, because that's not the case with the lil yogurt cup. I mean the day everyone stops caring about you. The day you become useless to society... Yeah think about that the next time you throw away a perfectly fine cup of yogurt.
(Side Rant)
By the way, can we please stop buying food products that are supposed to be healthy, but are loaded up with sugar. Yogurt is a great snack/breakfast item, it has fat, protein, and its supposed to not have any fucking sugar! Next time you're in the dairy aisle looking for some yogurt, look at the fucking ingredients list. SUGAR should NOT be one of them. If you want it to be a little sweet for a parfait or some shit you can always add some honey and CONTROL how sweet you want it to be. But God damn America has some fucked up taste tolerances. I bought one of those fancy "oui" yogurts one time just to try it out and Jesus Christ. That shit just tasted like a can of frosting! What the fuck. And what do you know, the second ingredient in the bitch is... CANE SUGAR. Fuck me the French should be infuriated that we've created such a thing and labeled it "French style". Maybe they'll actually get off their ass and do something about it for once. You wanna talk about cups of poison, sugared up yogurt is fucking poison before AND after the expiration date.
How did it get this bad? I mean even fucking bacon has sugar these days. Let me say that again. Some BACON has ADDED SUGAR. Does bacon not taste good enough for you people?! I mean no wonder why America is as fat as ever. Sugar should not be added to packaged foods that don't require it. You can always add sweetener, but you can't take it away. We can do better guys. Be better. Don't buy sweetened food products. Your pancreas will thank you.
Tell me in the comments and I’ll act like I care…
Do you follow expiration dates?
Should we start printing expiration dates onto everyones forehead?
Sugared bacon, yay or nay?
Anything mildly inconvenient that you want me to rant about in a future post?
Follow me on Minds
So true with the sugar in everything. It’s practically impossible to avoid it.