Hilarious Systems That Work?
We live in a perfect, imperfect world.
A Missed Target
We live in an era of virtue signaling Olympics. Everything is a competition to see who is the most virtuous among us. Chief among the competitive battle field, especially for people my age, is the challenge to save the planet. To save sweet mother nature. Who can sacrifice their own comfort and well-being the most? Who has given up eating meat, in the name of environmental justice? Who has shoved an entire can of Yerba Mate up their ass? I haven’t fallen for the BS. Thats right. ME. With my infinite and unmatched wisdom, I am immune to the propoganda… In all seriousness I’m not a climate scientist so I don’t know what the fuck to believe, but I’ll tell you one thing I know for sure would work in the favor of the planet. Please for the love of God can we get rid of fucking JUNK MAIL?! Every three or four days I take a walk to my mailbox. I insert my mail key and slowly turn the lock, waiting in aticipation for something good in the mail. A letter from my parents, or maybe a check that I forgot was coming. But NO! All I get is fucking junk mail. Just think about it like this: mail is made out of paper, and what is paper made out of? Thats right, fucking trees. We chop the forrests down to make alllll this junk mail, load it up into a bunch of massive gas powered trucks and distribute it all over the country. For fucking Wendy’s coupons? You know what I do immediatly with all my junk mail? Straight to the garbage, what a waste. I don’t hear any of these green warriors complaining about junk mail.
A Siezed Opportunity
Have any of you ever been to one of those plasma “donation” centers? You’re probably wondering why I put “donation” in air quotes, right? Well, how come we call them “donation” centers when they pay you for your life juice? I learned that these places paid you for your “donation” when one of my college friends told me about it. There was one of these labs right across the street from campus. He would go donate all the plasma they would let him on friday nights and then go straight to the bars. Hey I’m not judging here, this is a pretty beautiful set up if you think about it. Someone had the realization that broke college kids are the perfect target demographic for these plasma donations. Build a lab right across campus and next to the sleazy college bars. Broke white people can sell their bodily fluid, make a quick buck, and go to the bars and get drunk almost immediatly! The college dirt bags are happy, the people who opened up the lab are happy, and the patients that need the plasma get what they need! Isn’t the world beautiful? Cheap plasma loaded up with drugs and STDs given to people who have been mangled in car accidents. What a world we live in.